Six modules with Monsieur and still counting

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Midlifexpress readers will be familiar with the employment-seeking exploits of Carmen Neutral and her encounters with ageist boardroom elephants, Megan Gale clones, and her relentlessly charming job coach, Monsieur. And, by the sound of this latest piece, it appears her suave and savvy French Connection will simply not go away.

I have a job interview lined up on Monday afternoon, which gives me plenty of time to resurrect resume-me.  Thanks to Mutual Obligation classes with Monsieur, I’ve had a refresher course on interview deportment, getting the look, and how not to scare the horses – “French-style”.

However, after five modules I’m beginning to think that: Regardless of the ooh la la, what more can we unemployables learn from this French man?
Apparently there are 18 modules. And we have to work through these modules once a week, with Monsieur, until we get a job.
Oh mamma mia Monsieur – there comes a point where even unemployables (who don’t get out much) cannot take one more module or DEEWR supplied baguette!

Admittedly, last week’s baguettes were an improvement on those of the week before. I particularly liked the spicy salami, eggplant, and tomato combination and I’m thinking of posting a video “how-to” on assembling such a baguette. Watch this space.
However, I can see that soon the honeymoon may be over with Monsieur.

So far we’ve worked through:

    1. Self Esteem
    2. Goal Setting
    3. Interview Techniques
    4. Time Management
    5. Why I should allocate more time to moisturise
    6. Workplace Culture
    7. How to confuse the enemy
    8. Coping methods when the enemy makes no sense
    9. Cultural Difference
    10. How not to murder your colleague
    11. A Modern History of the world, and why things now are so stuffed up
    12. A Modern History of France
    13. Why the French are different
    14. Why is Monsieur so different
    15. Why the French are skinny
    16. Why I am fat
    17. Why Monsieur has never eaten a McDonalds hamburger
    18. Whether the Four N’ Twenty Pie is still out there
    19. The benefits of eating fish
    20. Which meat makes the best baguette filler? Cold beef or salami?
    21. The possibility of having Four N’ Twenty Pies next week?
    22. Why Monsieur won’t just give in – and let us miserables eat cake?
    23. The better films of Daniel Auteuil
    24. The three wives of Daniel Auteuil
    25. Why Gerard Depardieu moved to Russia
    26. Why Monsieur dislikes working with swearing Australian bogans
    27. What to do about the swearing Australian bogan
    28. His issues with Madame Absconder from last week’s class
    29. How a client once threw a desk at him
    30. How many jobs Monsieur currently has on the go
    31. Monsieur’s hectic 24/7 work week
    32. Monsieur’s lack of time with his family due to his 4 different jobs
    33. Whether Monsieur could be headed for une quarantaine crises

Monsieur I think it’s time we arrêté la folie, fermé la boutique, et a pris un peu de vacances.

This post originally appeared on Carmen’s excellent (and hilarious) 50 Shades of Unemployment blog and it appears here with her generous permission.

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Author: Carmen Neutral

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