Six modules with Monsieur and still counting

Midlifexpress readers will be familiar with the employment-seeking exploits of Carmen Neutral and her encounters with ageist boardroom elephants, Megan Gale clones, and her relentlessly charming job coach, Monsieur. And, by the sound of this latest piece, it appears her suave and savvy French Connection will simply not go away.

I have a job interview lined up on Monday afternoon, which gives me plenty of time to resurrect resume-me.  Thanks to Mutual Obligation classes with Monsieur, I’ve had a refresher course on interview deportment, getting the look, and how not to scare the horses – “French-style”.

So far we’ve worked through:

1. Self Esteem
2. Goal Setting
3. Interview Techniques
4. Time Management
5. Why I should allocate more time to moisturise
6. Workplace Culture
7. How to confuse the enemy
8. Coping methods when the enemy makes no sense
9. Cultural Difference
10. How not to murder your colleague
11. A Modern History of the world, and why things now are so stuffed up
12. A Modern History of France
13. Why the French are different
14. Why is Monsieur so different
15. Why the French are skinny
16. Why I am fat
17. Why Monsieur has never eaten a McDonalds hamburger
18. Whether the Four N’ Twenty Pie is still out there
19. The benefits of eating fish
20. Which meat makes the best baguette filler? Cold beef or salami?
21. The possibility of having Four N’ Twenty Pies next week?
22. Why Monsieur won’t just give in – and let us miserables eat cake?
23. The better films of Daniel Auteuil
24. The three wives of Daniel Auteuil
25. Why Gerard Depardieu moved to Russia
26. Why Monsieur dislikes working with swearing Australian bogans
27. What to do about the swearing Australian bogan
28. His issues with Madame Absconder from last week’s class
29. How a client once threw a desk at him
30. How many jobs Monsieur currently has on the go
31. Monsieur’s hectic 24/7 work week
32. Monsieur’s lack of time with his family due to his 4 different jobs
33. Whether Monsieur could be headed for une quarantaine crises

Monsieur I think it’s time we arrêté la folie, fermé la boutique, et a pris un peu de vacances.

This post originally appeared on Carmen’s excellent (and hilarious) 50 Shades of Unemployment blog and it appears here with her generous permission.

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