Midlifexpress readers will be familiar with the employment-seeking exploits of Carmen Neutral and her encounters with ageist boardroom elephants, Megan Gale clones, and her relentlessly charming job coach, Monsieur. And, by the sound of this latest piece, it appears her suave and savvy French Connection will simply not go away.
I have a job interview lined up on Monday afternoon, which gives me plenty of time to resurrect resume-me. Thanks to Mutual Obligation classes with Monsieur, I’ve had a refresher course on interview deportment, getting the look, and how not to scare the horses – “French-style”.
So far we’ve worked through:
- Self Esteem
- Goal Setting
- Interview Techniques
- Time Management
- Why I should allocate more time to moisturise
- Workplace Culture
- How to confuse the enemy
- Coping methods when the enemy makes no sense
- Cultural Difference
- How not to murder your colleague
- A Modern History of the world, and why things now are so stuffed up
- A Modern History of France
- Why the French are different
- Why is Monsieur so different
- Why the French are skinny
- Why I am fat
- Why Monsieur has never eaten a McDonalds hamburger
- Whether the Four N’ Twenty Pie is still out there
- The benefits of eating fish
- Which meat makes the best baguette filler? Cold beef or salami?
- The possibility of having Four N’ Twenty Pies next week?
- Why Monsieur won’t just give in – and let us miserables eat cake?
- The better films of Daniel Auteuil
- The three wives of Daniel Auteuil
- Why Gerard Depardieu moved to Russia
- Why Monsieur dislikes working with swearing Australian bogans
- What to do about the swearing Australian bogan
- His issues with Madame Absconder from last week’s class
- How a client once threw a desk at him
- How many jobs Monsieur currently has on the go
- Monsieur’s hectic 24/7 work week
- Monsieur’s lack of time with his family due to his 4 different jobs
- Whether Monsieur could be headed for une quarantaine crises
Monsieur I think it’s time we arrêté la folie, fermé la boutique, et a pris un peu de vacances.
This post originally appeared on Carmen’s excellent (and hilarious) 50 Shades of Unemployment blog and it appears here with her generous permission.