Teachers:Want to Insult Your Students?

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I’ve received a great deal of pleasure insulting people with the following words: twat, knob and bollocks. These expressions are common in the United Kingdom but not so prevalent in Australia.

Twat, knob and bollocks work  particularly well on high school students, especially Year 10 boys (15 to 16 year olds) who enjoy being derided in any language. For example, to the students who are annoying, do little work in class and then try to blame me for their lack of motivation I say, “That’s a load of bollocks”.

I also say, “Stop being a knob and get on with it,” if a student moans during class when I’ve asked them to stop playing games on their mobile phone.

This strategy also  works very well when the students are verbally abusing each other. Boys love to shout insults at other boys sitting elsewhere in the room. Most of the time it’s harmless but if I need to stop them before it gets out of hand I say,  “You’re a bunch of twats.”

The boys roll around laughing. “What did you call me again Ms Bell?  A twat”?

“So what was the other word you said I was Ms Bell?  A knob?”

If they’ve been particularly tiresome I pull out the heavy artillery and blast them with, “That’s bollocks and a really twatty thing to say, you knobs!”

The students can’t get enough of these insults and it makes me feel better.

Try it.

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Sue Bell

Sue Bell is an entertainment writer and author of Backpacked: A mostly true story, Beat Street and When Dreamworks came to Stanley.

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